Communication is a tricky skill. I've learned that if wanting to, or making sure that someone understands what you're saying preceeds you knowing what it is you need to say, then trouble ensues. It's a dance, this language we use.
Especially in conversation where needs and expectancies are conveyed. One step out of step and someone's feet gets hurt.
All I know is how to best convey a truth, an experience, a feeling, or a question. Sometimes I get a response
that mirrors my intent, and then sometimes I don't. Often people don't hear you when you speak because it's not what they want to hear, and if they don't receive what they espect, they'll argue until they get you there.
The answer of course
is knowing yourself, what you need and what you don't need, and being able to express that clearly without investment in either validation or agreement.
Not an easy thing to navigate sometimes, knowing yourself. We do need each other in order to
see who we really are, not by their projections, but because of them. Coming home to what's true for us and what's not ( and I've got my own set of bruises in communicating skewed intentions) by vascillating or submitting or diminishing
words to get a certain response is a manipulation, and never worked. It was a fraudulent and unsatisfying way to impart my knowingness.
Say what you mean, mean what you say. Just don't be mean. Works every time....for me
anyway. Not always for others.